The Hopeless Empty Abyss is a website created in its entirety by Kevin Johnson, a 26-year-old man with the sense of humor of a 12-year-old, the artistic skills of a 5-year-old, the social skills of an 8-year-old, the liver of a 47-year-old, the moral maturity of an infant, the sense of responsibility of a 16-year-old, the writing ability of a schizophrenic, an agility of 14, and the eyesight of an eagle. He made some terrible comics which he thought were funny and created this place so that others might share in his shame. It is not advisable to contact him, as this individual is prone to speaking nonsensically in the third person, but if you must, direct yourself to firstname.lastname@example.org
Q: What does FAQ stand for?
A: Frequently Asked (and often stupid) Questions
Q: Yo dude, how often do you update your site?
A: The Hopeless Empty Abyss is updated regularly
whenever I god damn feel like it. You try making
a web site. It's not that fucking easy.
Q: Why is there no portrait of the author on this site?
A: You need to stop judging people based solely on
their looks. You are a very shallow person. When
you meet some one, you should look deeply into
their soul to find their inner ugliness.
Q: Why does your website suck so much?
A: Because YOU SUCK SO MUCH!!
Q: How do I click on links to navigate around your page?
A: Given that you've already managed to get to
the point of reading this page, judging from your
question, you must have just had some kind of
serious brain trauma or psychotic episode, and thus
lost most of your capacity for coherent thought,
including basic pricipals of web page navigation.
If you are still able to move, you should get
yourself to a medical facility as soon as possible.
If you are still able to speak, you should probably
start yelling "help! help!" right about now. If you
are no longer able to move or speak, I apologize
for the fact that your life is ending while reading
something as inane as this.
Q: Where did you learn to draw comics?
A: I didn't.
Q: Your comics are not funny. Why are they so offensive?
A: Because you're not understanding them entirely.
If you're really a smart person, you'll visit my
site every day and share my comics with all your friends
until you get it.
Q: Who is your hero?
A: My hero is a turkey with swiss cheese. Although
one does not normally use the article "who" to
refer to a sandwich. It's not a healthy sign that
you anthropomorphize inanimate food items. A sane
person would have asked, "What is your hero? And
I use the word hero as the colloquial term meaning
Q: If you were to guess what questions people would commonly ask you, what kind of questions would they be?